i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
