I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
