don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
