WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
