i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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