My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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