break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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