I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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