so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
