Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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