Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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