I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
