I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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