Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
