It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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