Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
