i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I currently don't understand fingers.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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