He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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