The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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