Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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