a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
