Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
