So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
