We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
