Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
