I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
