I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
