Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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