Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
