I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
