guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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