Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.

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(806): View more from Texas

Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.

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(847): View more from Illinois

We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.

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(678): View more from Georgia

we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.

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(512): View more from Texas

Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player

(1-205): View more from Alabama

Ride him like a Zamboni

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