I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
