but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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