Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
