despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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