She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
