he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
