What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
