I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
