yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
