I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
