My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
