Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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