If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
