Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
