apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
