I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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