In the future we'll all be gay
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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