My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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