In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
