giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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