Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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