this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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