fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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