I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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