so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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