Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
