What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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