Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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