I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
