I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
