Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...

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(248): View more from Michigan

Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke

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(716): View more from New York

You can't have your penis and eat it, too.

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(515): View more from Iowa

No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica

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(847): View more from Illinois

Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

New vibrator arrived today.

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

How was it?

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Who are these wee mortals we call men?

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(510): View more from California

After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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