I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
