they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
