Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
