I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
