Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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