You're my little dorito
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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