I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
