I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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