I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
