it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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