I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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