"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
