grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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