i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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