If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
