took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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